Hello Friend.

I had a long drive to take today, which is always a wonderful time to reflect, as I tend to daydream as the miles roll by. I didn’t feel like listening to any music or to an audiobook or podcast. I just wanted the silence of my own thoughts. I began to think about how much road rage used to flow through my veins. How angry I would get at other drivers for the smallest of things. The time I pissed off this crazy driver so bad, he chased me for miles trying to run me off the road. The amount of unnecessary cortisol I would generate from the stress of driving and how far I have come from that. THANK GOODNESS!

Now…don’t get me wrong. I still throw a cuss words or two at times under my breath to truly egregious motorists but I no longer throw the middle finger. For a while in my evolution, I would give a thumbs down combined with a motherly shake of the head, like “I’m so disappointed in you”. HAHAHAHAHA. I have to laugh at that now because obviously it is hilarious, although it would, shockingly elicit the most return rage towards me than the middle finger would. That part always fascinated me. There are a lot of mother wounds out here. But I digress….

Now, as I am driving, I only throw out peace signs….when I do something dumb. A ‘forgive me kind stranger’ sign of I really meant you no harm. So far, that feels so much better in my body than doubling down on the aggression. Which got me to thinking?

How long have I matched other people’s energy? Because most of my road rage was me returning what I believed to be aggression towards me. The “how dare you” stance. The “I need you know you’re a horrible person” vibe. The “I’ll show you to mess with me”.

Where else was I doing this in my life? Taking this stance?

Lashing out because someone lashed out at me. Returning the favor of disrespect. Wanting someone to feel the same ick that I was feeling.

How many times did I allow myself to be taken out of my own juicy energy?

In other words, HOW MANY TIMES WAS I GIVING MY POWER AWAY to someone else? Allowing them to control the way I was moving through the world?

The answer was…..far too much.

For some reason, I had adopted the mindset that I needed other people to feel the way that I was feeling. I needed them to hurt, to be as frustrated as I was. The feelings that I did not have the words to verbalize in my own time, I used their time and the opportunity to do so. Some would say it was - “I am just giving out what I get.” And I would say, “Now, where did that leave us?” We’re both incredibly miserable and have escalated a situation to a level of no return for what reason? Because we refused to feel our feelings when we could have. Because we would not allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

It is far too easy to explode on someone else and blame them for taking us out of character. And now in reflection, I would argue that THAT was our character all along. Those moments are just the only ones we actually feel comfortable letting it all out in. What we won’t say to our mothers, bosses, spouses, partners - we give to a stranger who opened the door for the dumping.

It is our individual job to feel our feelings and honor them at all times. It may take a while to do this consistently and just like the rest of the activities in our lives, it is a practice. One where we will learn more about ourselves each day. Where we can give ourselves the grace to make mistakes and to learn from them. Remember, we came here in the bodies we have to grow our souls. To learn. Not to be perfect. This is not a planet of perfection. So let’s let that go.

We can and we will if we would only allow ourselves the opportunity.

So learn your energies and honor them. Allow them the space they need and be kind you.

love you

xx