Identity

Identity.

I have asked myself 'who am I?' so often in the last five years. I have changed my name, gathering strength outside of the pain associated with my given name, only to realize that doing so opened a deeper imprint of my abandonment wound. Like I was abandoning myself. The little girl who so needed me to just be there. Who needed me to show up for us both. So I embarked on a very deep healing journey. Another one. Resigning myself to the idea that reclaiming my sovereignty was more like a game of whack a mole. Resolve one thing and up pops another.

This leg of the journey has been very confronting because it involved looking at my relationship with my mother and father and the insecure anxious attachment that their parenting brought about. And to do so in a way that didn't burn all the bridges in town. I tend to have a passive communication style when I find myself afraid to let the massive inferno out; this fire that burns within me that always made me feel like Drew Barrymore was telling my story in the movie Firestarter. It has always lived there and I have always been afraid or intimidated by it.

One of my teachers gave me the name Dinan and my connection with Ra has never been in question so leaning into her felt empowering. It felt right. But it always felt like a skin on top pf Laticia who was still in there saying 'what about me?'. Well, Dinan did help Laticia come back. She helped her out of the hermit cave where safety was guaranteed. She helped her trust in herself and in meditation the other night, Laticia came back to me in a way that brought me to tears. Like a homecoming.

I am sure it confuses some of the people in my life. What to call me. How to address me. And I am grateful for the grace in that process because I am all of those people. I am multi-dimensional and I am accepting that I am NOT a single layered being. I have lived many, many lives and I am an ancient returned. Where I come from love reigns and this walk upon Earth has been challenging to me since my earliest memories.

I realized very early on that how you identify is the passcode to how you are loved or not. And to shed that belief and step into my own knowing required me to walk the path of exploring all parts of me. To know that I am loved deeply. Period.

So to all the parts within me,

the writer,

the singer,

the lover, the dancer, the creative, the mother, the teacher, the temptress, the empress, the queen, the alchemist, the oracle, the friend, the seer, the medium, the channel, the daughter, the hermit, the child, the insert noun as I am all things -

Thank you for being alive within me. I see you. I feel you. I am you. And I am grateful.